"It" moments pt. 2 (a sad moment)

So I was wondering when I would write about what is obviously the most significant moment in my life so far to this point. I lost a little girl some time ago. I sit and think about her and I have reminders of her presence that seems like a lifetime ago and just yesterday if that makes any sense. I just don't even know how to begin processing the situation in my head. I think I was in such a rush to "deal with" the situation that I must have glossed over the days to the point where the whole situation is a haze. It is a really weird feeling to have a part of you just vanish and then have to deal with the hardness of your heart and soul after this happens to you. It's so weird because some days I don't really feel too much of anything and then there are days where the waterworks just don't stop because guys are not supposed to cry right? I am supposed to be tough and just get past the situation and I know in my head that's not true but I feel that way sometimes. I have pictures and reminders of her all around me but it almost feels like I am living someone else's story because I can't but help feel that this really isn't happening to me is it? The WORST thing that has emerged as a side effect of going through this is that I already was an emotionally crippled person to begin with because of various things that had occurred to me growing up so to open up my heart like I did for my little angel only to lose her makes a part of me bitter to the higher power that I know exists. Now I am not trying to pass this off as rational in the least but that is how I feel. I feel angry about the fact that my angel is no longer here and I am not sure I will ever be ok or whole again...