So it has been that long since I held my daughter in my hands. To be quite honest I wasn't the most emotionally stable person to begin with so waking up and realizing the horrible events of a year ago is not the way that you want to wake up in the morning. I remember it like it was yesterday...I woke up and played with her and talked to her as I did every morning and looked into those pretty eyes and rambled on about whatever was going on with my day so far...then I changed and fed her and pretty soon she was fast asleep...literally sleeping beauty come to life...then I started getting ready for work because I had her in the mornings and then I had to work at night. As I was getting ready to go downstairs to the car I heard the screams...then called 911...then paramedics came...then they started crying...she was pronounced dead...I called my mother...the tears came, the tears came, the tears kept coming. There was a funeral, there were news reporters, medical examiners, morticians, cards, flowers, just a blur that seemed like a neverending haze that I just wandered my way through....
People both near and far reassured me that things eventually get better. What do you do when a piece of you that was living is no longer? How do you get over something like that? I have this empty space in my heart that will never be filled. I have something that I loved more than anything that I ever had suddenly and cruelly ripped away from me. I wake up every morning and see the pics of her smiling at me all through the house and I just wonder why something like that had to happen. I have very RARELY prayed and asked the good lord above for any ONE thing, but the thing that I did always pray for was to be able to bring a healthy son and a healthy daughter into this world. He was gracious enough to give me the two desires of my heart and as soon as I found out she was coming I went in for surgery (to not have anymore kids) and I remember how excited I was for her to come...and when she came she was perfect. I had a princess and she was everything that a daddy could hope for. She had a few medical issues when she was born but she was tough as nails just like her daddy. I would just talk to her all the time and part of me is so grateful because I must have packed years of conversation into the few months that she was actually here...
So that brings us to present. I am sitting here a year later. I am staring at pictures of a beautiful princess all over my house and it's been...1 year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds...that is what a year consists of...I miss her. I really miss her and words can't accurately do the feeling in my heart justice but I really hope that I get to hold her just once more because I miss my princess. Daddy loves you Kayleighbear :)
People both near and far reassured me that things eventually get better. What do you do when a piece of you that was living is no longer? How do you get over something like that? I have this empty space in my heart that will never be filled. I have something that I loved more than anything that I ever had suddenly and cruelly ripped away from me. I wake up every morning and see the pics of her smiling at me all through the house and I just wonder why something like that had to happen. I have very RARELY prayed and asked the good lord above for any ONE thing, but the thing that I did always pray for was to be able to bring a healthy son and a healthy daughter into this world. He was gracious enough to give me the two desires of my heart and as soon as I found out she was coming I went in for surgery (to not have anymore kids) and I remember how excited I was for her to come...and when she came she was perfect. I had a princess and she was everything that a daddy could hope for. She had a few medical issues when she was born but she was tough as nails just like her daddy. I would just talk to her all the time and part of me is so grateful because I must have packed years of conversation into the few months that she was actually here...
So that brings us to present. I am sitting here a year later. I am staring at pictures of a beautiful princess all over my house and it's been...1 year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds...that is what a year consists of...I miss her. I really miss her and words can't accurately do the feeling in my heart justice but I really hope that I get to hold her just once more because I miss my princess. Daddy loves you Kayleighbear :)
