Gabriel.
Now Gabriel is just awesome. I spend most of my time with him and he is a funny little guy. I remember how scared I was when I first learned that I had a kid on the way (I was in school and I was so freaking scared because I got that feeling that you get when you know your world has just dramatically changed and you know you better start getting used to it) and he was so freaking cool to me when I got to see him for the first time. He has always been a talkative and noisy little person and I love every minute of it. He runs around with this mound of brown curly hair that seems to get longer and longer every single time I see him. He is always telling me about something new he has discovered or rubbing on my belly. I stare at him in those big 'ol brown eyes and just listen to him ramble on and on about whatever is on his mind (even if I don't understand what he's saying because he going on at a mile a minute but truthfully he doesn't even care as long as I say ok and look at him). It's weird seeing someone who is a mini you running around and sit and wonder if you were like that when you were his age. I love that little boy so much!!!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
"It" moments pt. 4 (a one-of-a-kind moment)
Let me first start by saying that I am not the person that you go and talk to about why marriage is right for you. If you read any number of statistics it seems like a disaster waiting to happen. I know that sounds cynical but please understand I know probably two people EVER that got married and stayed married the whole time. I always told my self that I was going to take ONE SHOT at getting married, put everything that I had into it and if it worked then it did and if it didn't then oh well.
Now that we have that disclaimer out there I have to say that Amy is pretty freaking awesome. She is one of those people that will get behind you on something and will keep pushing you until you get to wherever your destination is. If you saw her personality and you saw mine you would just sit there scratching your head trying to figure out how the combination even works but it really does for whatever reason. I almost feel bad for her because she lives with a brat that never grew up and she just loves me anyway. Amy rocks because she is one of those people that is RELENTLESSLY optimistic like 98.6% of the time. It drives me absolutely bananas but she is always cracking jokes and just being silly like all of the time. I try to get her to be serious about things and it really is to no avail. She makes fart jokes, she farts, she laughs when I am talking about something important and she really never stops being silly. It would be pretty safe to say that we are polar opposites but for whatever reason it works for us. I am not sure there is another person on the planet that loves all of the random craziness that is me and still loves me the same way. She knows that I am crazy, bi-polar, spoiled, prone to temper tantrums and probably many other attributes and she loves me just the same and hangs in there regardless so yeah she is definitely one of those "it" moments of my life :)
Now that we have that disclaimer out there I have to say that Amy is pretty freaking awesome. She is one of those people that will get behind you on something and will keep pushing you until you get to wherever your destination is. If you saw her personality and you saw mine you would just sit there scratching your head trying to figure out how the combination even works but it really does for whatever reason. I almost feel bad for her because she lives with a brat that never grew up and she just loves me anyway. Amy rocks because she is one of those people that is RELENTLESSLY optimistic like 98.6% of the time. It drives me absolutely bananas but she is always cracking jokes and just being silly like all of the time. I try to get her to be serious about things and it really is to no avail. She makes fart jokes, she farts, she laughs when I am talking about something important and she really never stops being silly. It would be pretty safe to say that we are polar opposites but for whatever reason it works for us. I am not sure there is another person on the planet that loves all of the random craziness that is me and still loves me the same way. She knows that I am crazy, bi-polar, spoiled, prone to temper tantrums and probably many other attributes and she loves me just the same and hangs in there regardless so yeah she is definitely one of those "it" moments of my life :)
"It" moments pt. 3 (an awesome moment)
Now college was awesome. No other word to explain it, it was just awesome. However there were a couple of people (and many more than I don't have the energy or strength to name) that made it that EXTRA special for it. Anna P., Victoria, Marquis, Wanda, Tim, and Nancy. So today I have been thinking about all of them extra hard so I figured there would be no better tribute to them than to write about them and tell they WHY I think they are so special and important to me...
1. Anna P. I loved this young lady from the very first moment I ever saw her. I knew she was awesome and special from the moment we met and I made sure that we were going to be friends whether she liked it or not. If it was ever possible for someone to "glow" it would be this young lady. I had never until this point met someone more opinionated and cerebral for lack of a better word. She was the first woman I can ever remember who was not content to accept what YOU thought she would be. She didn't care what you thought or expected because she was determined to question authority and the traditional ways people thought about things. If I could sum her up in a movie line "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." That literally describes her. I have two favorite moments that I shared with her. One she knows about and one she doesn't. We had a rave party at school and when she showed up in the schoolgirl get-up (and if you know ANYTHING about her personality you can see the humor in this) jaws dropped and we danced the night away like crazy people. But my favorite moment? She played the piano for me and sung. Hands down...it was amazing.
2. Victoria. Let's understand something. Her name is not Victoria to me. I ONLY call her that because that is what her name is (legally anyway) but to me she will always be my Vicky Secret. There are a couple reasons why I came up with that name, but that's who she is to me. She would always come bounding down the stairs in our residence hall (where I decided that the dorm couch was mine and mine alone to rule) and she didn't just walk anywhere she brought a WAVE of energy anywhere she went. The thing that made me love her more than anything else is the fact that she had the outgoing free spirit that I only dreamed of having. Every single time I saw her it was like a Lord of the Rings book or a Pirate of the Carribean movie come to life. To this day I am convinced that she has a time machine that she used to come from another era so that she could share her awesomeness with me. No matter what I was going through, no matter how my day went before she got there, she made it better by being there. She never asked me for anything in return but she always made me love seeing her :)
3. Marquis (Cloud): This is a case of someone that I have grown to love and appreciate after we had gotten out of school. The thing he will never know is how much I had already admired him even when we were in school. Have you ever seen someone who is so uniquely their own person? I never even knew how to just process him. I have never been the best at being (or making for that matter) friends so I had no idea how to tell him how much he rocks but he rocked. He has been so awesome and he set the standard for how to treat people and whether he knows it or not I have tried my best to treat people the way that he does and just appreciate the wonderful folks around you. I may not have gotten it right while we were in school, but you have helped me take the steps to get it right since then so for that I will forever be grateful.
4. Wanda: Wanda was my rock in school. She was my go to girl at all times. Ms. Jones was one of those rare friends that you make and you know that if the sh@# goes down around you she is going to be the person next to you ready for whatever. She was there for all of my good days and especially all of my bad ones. She drove me crazy because she would bang on my door whenever SHE woke up in the morning. Notice I said whenever SHE woke up. The first thing that I learned about her was that she has a voice that must have been handed down to her PERSONALLY from an angel. I loved being around her because she could sing about everything and just sounded incredible about doing it. Another thing that I learned about her was about relationships and how males and females relate to each other. She gave me a perspective, an insight if you will into what goes into female thinking. I loved having someone who I could bounce any idea off of an know I could get an answer that was credible. Most of all, Wanda was always there for me anytime I needed her in school and I will always appreciate that and I love her dearly because she was one of the few people I would ever consider a "best friend."
5. Tim: This guy was like James Dean come to life all over again. From the day that I met him he lived with a certain fearlessness and recklessness that bordered on insanity. Tim and I did some absolutely crazy things that people would not even believe if we told them. I loved him because dude was was the outlet that I needed in school to the crazy part of my personality. Tim was another one of those friends that never asked for anything and I always knew that I could ask him for any of everything and I always had 100 percent confidence that he would come through. Tim is always going to be my buddy and I hope he knows that. He is one of the very few who could ask me for anything and I would try my best to come through.
6. Nancy: You know what I loved about Nancy? The strawberry drinks (which I still don't know the name for) at Starbucks. I would let Nancy talk about whatever and she got me strawberry drinks. But my Starbucks habit aside, what I always loved and admired about Nancy was her drive. I have never seen anyone work so hard in school and she was one of the primary reasons why I started to bust my butt towards the end of my college career because this girl was HARDCORE about getting her schoolwork done and she was always coming and going. I still don't know if she ever went and slept during school. We became much closer after school for different reasons (she is one of my very best friends), but if I could point out something that influenced me while we were in school it would be how hard I always saw her work (and the Starbucks drinks).
1. Anna P. I loved this young lady from the very first moment I ever saw her. I knew she was awesome and special from the moment we met and I made sure that we were going to be friends whether she liked it or not. If it was ever possible for someone to "glow" it would be this young lady. I had never until this point met someone more opinionated and cerebral for lack of a better word. She was the first woman I can ever remember who was not content to accept what YOU thought she would be. She didn't care what you thought or expected because she was determined to question authority and the traditional ways people thought about things. If I could sum her up in a movie line "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." That literally describes her. I have two favorite moments that I shared with her. One she knows about and one she doesn't. We had a rave party at school and when she showed up in the schoolgirl get-up (and if you know ANYTHING about her personality you can see the humor in this) jaws dropped and we danced the night away like crazy people. But my favorite moment? She played the piano for me and sung. Hands down...it was amazing.
2. Victoria. Let's understand something. Her name is not Victoria to me. I ONLY call her that because that is what her name is (legally anyway) but to me she will always be my Vicky Secret. There are a couple reasons why I came up with that name, but that's who she is to me. She would always come bounding down the stairs in our residence hall (where I decided that the dorm couch was mine and mine alone to rule) and she didn't just walk anywhere she brought a WAVE of energy anywhere she went. The thing that made me love her more than anything else is the fact that she had the outgoing free spirit that I only dreamed of having. Every single time I saw her it was like a Lord of the Rings book or a Pirate of the Carribean movie come to life. To this day I am convinced that she has a time machine that she used to come from another era so that she could share her awesomeness with me. No matter what I was going through, no matter how my day went before she got there, she made it better by being there. She never asked me for anything in return but she always made me love seeing her :)
3. Marquis (Cloud): This is a case of someone that I have grown to love and appreciate after we had gotten out of school. The thing he will never know is how much I had already admired him even when we were in school. Have you ever seen someone who is so uniquely their own person? I never even knew how to just process him. I have never been the best at being (or making for that matter) friends so I had no idea how to tell him how much he rocks but he rocked. He has been so awesome and he set the standard for how to treat people and whether he knows it or not I have tried my best to treat people the way that he does and just appreciate the wonderful folks around you. I may not have gotten it right while we were in school, but you have helped me take the steps to get it right since then so for that I will forever be grateful.
4. Wanda: Wanda was my rock in school. She was my go to girl at all times. Ms. Jones was one of those rare friends that you make and you know that if the sh@# goes down around you she is going to be the person next to you ready for whatever. She was there for all of my good days and especially all of my bad ones. She drove me crazy because she would bang on my door whenever SHE woke up in the morning. Notice I said whenever SHE woke up. The first thing that I learned about her was that she has a voice that must have been handed down to her PERSONALLY from an angel. I loved being around her because she could sing about everything and just sounded incredible about doing it. Another thing that I learned about her was about relationships and how males and females relate to each other. She gave me a perspective, an insight if you will into what goes into female thinking. I loved having someone who I could bounce any idea off of an know I could get an answer that was credible. Most of all, Wanda was always there for me anytime I needed her in school and I will always appreciate that and I love her dearly because she was one of the few people I would ever consider a "best friend."
5. Tim: This guy was like James Dean come to life all over again. From the day that I met him he lived with a certain fearlessness and recklessness that bordered on insanity. Tim and I did some absolutely crazy things that people would not even believe if we told them. I loved him because dude was was the outlet that I needed in school to the crazy part of my personality. Tim was another one of those friends that never asked for anything and I always knew that I could ask him for any of everything and I always had 100 percent confidence that he would come through. Tim is always going to be my buddy and I hope he knows that. He is one of the very few who could ask me for anything and I would try my best to come through.
6. Nancy: You know what I loved about Nancy? The strawberry drinks (which I still don't know the name for) at Starbucks. I would let Nancy talk about whatever and she got me strawberry drinks. But my Starbucks habit aside, what I always loved and admired about Nancy was her drive. I have never seen anyone work so hard in school and she was one of the primary reasons why I started to bust my butt towards the end of my college career because this girl was HARDCORE about getting her schoolwork done and she was always coming and going. I still don't know if she ever went and slept during school. We became much closer after school for different reasons (she is one of my very best friends), but if I could point out something that influenced me while we were in school it would be how hard I always saw her work (and the Starbucks drinks).
"It" moments pt. 2 (a sad moment)
So I was wondering when I would write about what is obviously the most significant moment in my life so far to this point. I lost a little girl some time ago. I sit and think about her and I have reminders of her presence that seems like a lifetime ago and just yesterday if that makes any sense. I just don't even know how to begin processing the situation in my head. I think I was in such a rush to "deal with" the situation that I must have glossed over the days to the point where the whole situation is a haze. It is a really weird feeling to have a part of you just vanish and then have to deal with the hardness of your heart and soul after this happens to you. It's so weird because some days I don't really feel too much of anything and then there are days where the waterworks just don't stop because guys are not supposed to cry right? I am supposed to be tough and just get past the situation and I know in my head that's not true but I feel that way sometimes. I have pictures and reminders of her all around me but it almost feels like I am living someone else's story because I can't but help feel that this really isn't happening to me is it? The WORST thing that has emerged as a side effect of going through this is that I already was an emotionally crippled person to begin with because of various things that had occurred to me growing up so to open up my heart like I did for my little angel only to lose her makes a part of me bitter to the higher power that I know exists. Now I am not trying to pass this off as rational in the least but that is how I feel. I feel angry about the fact that my angel is no longer here and I am not sure I will ever be ok or whole again...
"It" moments pt. 1 (a bad moment)
Life is funny sometimes when you sit and think about the moments that shape you and the things that end up playing a role in your life... I was thinking about someone from college the other day and we were close once upon a time and I made the mistake of telling a lie and letting insecurity ruin a situation. I owe this person an apology and I really miss this person but I know that any hope of a friendship is completely out of the door. This normally wouldn't be a bad thing but this person is apparently close friends with so many people that I know so I get frustrated because I am too ashamed to apologize but I am never going to get a resolution to the situation. I wish I had the nerve to reach out because we know all of the same people but then you start to wonder how receptive the other party would be to you reaching out or if they would honestly ever care about anything you had to say anyway. I don't expect any special treatment but I would give anything to just apologize and be friends again but maybe that isn't possible and I guess sooner or later I am going to have to just accept the situation and just move on.
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