One thing that I have accepted as a universal truth is that nobody wants to be hurt. We may be one of those people that love the idea of someone being in love or we could be one of the folks that thinks the very idea of love or being in love with someone is a completely assinine or illogical concept. Here’s what I do know. There is almost NOTHING worse than that feeling when “love” goes horribly wrong. Maybe you have been lucky, maybe you have never known that feeling (and kudos to you) but the rest of us remember that time, that place, that person that caused us to question what we thought we knew, that incident that was so disappointing where you can’t even began to see how it is fair that you went through it. The pain that comes when things go wrong, holy shit it hurts. Dammit that shit hurts…
So what happens next?
How do we respond?
I think people do a number of things. I think when you have a bad relationship or maybe even just a bad experience there is a reaction. Some people chalk it up to “they weren’t meant for me,” they recover and then in the appropriate time (or in some cases way too early) they want to jump back in to the deep end and are ready to experience their ideal relationship (everyone doesn’t look forward to getting married and having kids people, there are other situations that people look forward to, i.e. moving in together, having a kid and not be married, having a partner, whatever).
The people that cause me concern are the ones (and I am DEFINITELY including myself in this category) are the people that have an adverse reaction to love gone wrong. What exactly are you supposed to do when you are with someone that puts you through some crazy shit and you move on (or try to) to someone else? People give these cliche ridden answers that they got on Oprah or some book they read but you know what? I think all that mess is some crap. You explain to someone that believes in, or loves, or even really cares about someone else why they should have to feel like crap because someone wanted to be an idiot or a selfish bastard. Truth be told I have been on BOTH sides of this equation so I think I am more than qualified to say that. So after all that you are left with questions that require hard answers…
1. Someone is married to someone else that doesn’t love them the same way and wants out…(yeah it might be easy to judge them in your head but do YOU have to go explain to your parents and loved ones that you chose badly and that you are going to leave this person, who gets custody, where you are going to live, so on and so forth and you see how something that seemed as simple as “I don’t want this anymore” Just became complicated as crap)?
2. Someone gets into the next relationship after the last one ends on a bad note. You have this new person you are with and they seem nice, but you just are still a little pissed at how things went last time and they are on DEFCON 5 alert for the first signs or hint that this new person could bring drama to the table…(yeah it is super easy to say get over your ex, or maybe you should wait until you are ready, or just don’t be so paranoid, and just like my last example that is great advice when it is not your situation we are talking about or if the new person has a lot of potential as someone you could be with or hell, maybe they just put the damn thing down in bed, but my whole point is that it isn’t as simple as a simple piece of advice)…
Anyway I could list scenarios all day but it seems to me that guarding your heart is a lot more complicated than anybody really gives it credit for. I have friends who I really care for that are dealing with a “guarded heart” in one way or the other and I find myself sad sometimes when we speak because more often than not I have been where they are (emotionally) and there is nothing simple about it. There isn’t a specific way to deal with the issues that come up. The only thing that lends me encouragement is that I know that it’s possible to work your way through almost anything because I have had to do it. I think the human heart is capable of working through a great number of emotions and feelings but at some point there has to be a choice of whether or not we want to let it. I think everyone makes a decision as to what they want to do…but I just think if we aren’t careful we can find out one day that maybe we didn’t have to suffer quite as much, hurts as long as we did, maybe there was potential to move on and experience all that we could have missed, but we spent so much time with our heart guarded that we never found out…
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
My thoughts on religion, sex, and love (7/7/2011)
(Religion)
So finally today the top of my brain has exploded from having so many thoughts in it and now I feel like I just need to pour my inner thinking out and here it goes:
I don’t understand Christianity. There are so many things that I love about the religion in general, but there are a couple of things that really trouble me. One of the biggest issues that I have is the seemingly overwhelming disdain for anybody that is not in a “traditional” relationship. Specifically this problem with gay marriage. Seriously I really do not get it. Why are gay people so threatening to this religion. I don’t understand how you can say “Love thy neighbor” and “Judge not lest ye be judged,” and then turn around and tell someone oh by the way you are going to hell AND your marriage (partnership or however you choose to define it) should not be officially recognized the way you choose to recognize it. Now I don’t want to pigeonhole EVERY Christian because I know some really progressive and smart ones but as a general rule this seems to be the prevailing feeling from the majority that I know and it really really really bothers me. If the gay marriage thing wasn’t enough to bother me, I don’t like the mentality that everyone who doesn’t believe in what you do must be wrong. I find myself wondering everyday what would happen if you died tomorrow and realized that “religion” and a “higher power” was really a combination of so many things. What if you find out that all of the people that believe in higher powers but just not under the guise of Christianity were all right? I think God is so much bigger and so much more multi-faceted than anyone could have ever imagined. I am not sure about “organized religion” because I feel like any belief that you have is a personal relationship that you have. I am not really sure going to a church or a certain school makes much of a difference because I think it’s more about what is in your heart and your personal relationship. Finally, I can see how a lot of people who don’t live in this country can foster such a hatred for the term “Christians” because when they look back at history there have been more wars, more killing, more bad things that have happened under the heading of someone who was supposed to be a “Christian.”
So all that being said, I said that these were going to be my thoughts on religion and I just started with Christianity because it probably is the most dominant religion on the planet, but as far as every other religion there are a lot of things that I like about other belief systems, I like certain tenets of Buddhism and so many other ones my hand would hurt naming them. I think there are a lot of positive things that you can pull from all of the religious systems that people believe in. I think that in some way they all might be right in certain ways. I really do believe in God, but I just think he is more all encompassing of everyone and certainly more loving, more accepting, and honestly I just don’t feel like the big guy can be confined to just one set of beliefs. I think everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions but today I felt like putting mine out there :)
(Sex)
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Pretty much the most interesting, debated, hated, misunderstood, confused, and talked about three letter word (outside God) in the world. Sex is something that literally dominates my thought process as a male and it seems to dominate the thought process of a lot of other people as well (considering the last three commercials that I saw on tv as I wrote this were either for male enhancement or something that involved having a beautiful woman pitch a product). Sex is a topic that has the potential to be a much more talked about topic but people seem to shy away from it so much and push it under the rug that one day it seems to just creep up on them and then they are forced to deal with it (whether they are prepared to deal with it or not). I just don’t understand why sex is such a taboo subject? Why are people so darn repressed when it comes to sex? I wish people talked about it more because I love learning what people think when it comes down to it (sex). You know its funny, I went to two universities (so far) for college and they were “Christian Colleges” and really I almost want to go back in retrospect and rename them “Orgy towns.” Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I thought and found it hilarious because I thought these would be the last places in earth for all these crazy things, but then again should I have really been surprised? You know what they say about pastor’s kids lol…
I think a lot of problems that people run into in terms of relationships would be averted if they had spent more time getting to know the things that they like and or curious about sexually. Now am I saying you need to sleep with everyone in sight? That probably is not going to turn out to be the best idea, but then again it probably is a good idea to at least put yourself out there and learn about the things that are going on so you can maybe avoid some pitfalls and heartache later. If I had a wish for EVERYONE it is that at some point in your life you go and have some MIND BLOWING, EARTH SHATTERING, TOE TINGLING, GOOD ASS (no pun intended) SEX. It’s ok, enjoy yourself, but hey it’s just my opinion…
(Love)
Love.
Raise your hand if you have a firm understanding on what the heck that word means. Ok I know three of my friends who immediately raised their hands (and they know who they are), now for the REST OF US who don’t have a firm understanding on this crazy ass emotion I just want you to know you aren’t the only one. I am a grown man and I feel like maybe after 26 years I am having the very beginnings of an what the word might mean, but a true grasp of the concept? No earthly idea. I have never really seen a healthy loving relationship that lasted in my short time on this planet so far. I kind of equate my feelings on God to my feelings on love. I think people take a concept, a feeling if you will and try to condense a broad, overreaching concept and give it a simplistic definition and just try to run with it. The only thing I feel like I know about love is that the definition of it could just as well be “irrational” and I would be cool with it. I don’t think there is an easy way to encompass all of what love is (and all of what it can be in a simple definition). I don’t think loves follows rules, I don’t think relationships (being in one, not being in one) dictate it and I don’t really think you can control. I think love is like water. It can simply mold itself to fit any number of circumstances and it can bring life and it can destructive enough to shatter one and leave it in pieces…so there you have it. Today…that’s what I think about love.
So finally today the top of my brain has exploded from having so many thoughts in it and now I feel like I just need to pour my inner thinking out and here it goes:
I don’t understand Christianity. There are so many things that I love about the religion in general, but there are a couple of things that really trouble me. One of the biggest issues that I have is the seemingly overwhelming disdain for anybody that is not in a “traditional” relationship. Specifically this problem with gay marriage. Seriously I really do not get it. Why are gay people so threatening to this religion. I don’t understand how you can say “Love thy neighbor” and “Judge not lest ye be judged,” and then turn around and tell someone oh by the way you are going to hell AND your marriage (partnership or however you choose to define it) should not be officially recognized the way you choose to recognize it. Now I don’t want to pigeonhole EVERY Christian because I know some really progressive and smart ones but as a general rule this seems to be the prevailing feeling from the majority that I know and it really really really bothers me. If the gay marriage thing wasn’t enough to bother me, I don’t like the mentality that everyone who doesn’t believe in what you do must be wrong. I find myself wondering everyday what would happen if you died tomorrow and realized that “religion” and a “higher power” was really a combination of so many things. What if you find out that all of the people that believe in higher powers but just not under the guise of Christianity were all right? I think God is so much bigger and so much more multi-faceted than anyone could have ever imagined. I am not sure about “organized religion” because I feel like any belief that you have is a personal relationship that you have. I am not really sure going to a church or a certain school makes much of a difference because I think it’s more about what is in your heart and your personal relationship. Finally, I can see how a lot of people who don’t live in this country can foster such a hatred for the term “Christians” because when they look back at history there have been more wars, more killing, more bad things that have happened under the heading of someone who was supposed to be a “Christian.”
So all that being said, I said that these were going to be my thoughts on religion and I just started with Christianity because it probably is the most dominant religion on the planet, but as far as every other religion there are a lot of things that I like about other belief systems, I like certain tenets of Buddhism and so many other ones my hand would hurt naming them. I think there are a lot of positive things that you can pull from all of the religious systems that people believe in. I think that in some way they all might be right in certain ways. I really do believe in God, but I just think he is more all encompassing of everyone and certainly more loving, more accepting, and honestly I just don’t feel like the big guy can be confined to just one set of beliefs. I think everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions but today I felt like putting mine out there :)
(Sex)
Sex.
Sex.
Sex.
Pretty much the most interesting, debated, hated, misunderstood, confused, and talked about three letter word (outside God) in the world. Sex is something that literally dominates my thought process as a male and it seems to dominate the thought process of a lot of other people as well (considering the last three commercials that I saw on tv as I wrote this were either for male enhancement or something that involved having a beautiful woman pitch a product). Sex is a topic that has the potential to be a much more talked about topic but people seem to shy away from it so much and push it under the rug that one day it seems to just creep up on them and then they are forced to deal with it (whether they are prepared to deal with it or not). I just don’t understand why sex is such a taboo subject? Why are people so darn repressed when it comes to sex? I wish people talked about it more because I love learning what people think when it comes down to it (sex). You know its funny, I went to two universities (so far) for college and they were “Christian Colleges” and really I almost want to go back in retrospect and rename them “Orgy towns.” Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I thought and found it hilarious because I thought these would be the last places in earth for all these crazy things, but then again should I have really been surprised? You know what they say about pastor’s kids lol…
I think a lot of problems that people run into in terms of relationships would be averted if they had spent more time getting to know the things that they like and or curious about sexually. Now am I saying you need to sleep with everyone in sight? That probably is not going to turn out to be the best idea, but then again it probably is a good idea to at least put yourself out there and learn about the things that are going on so you can maybe avoid some pitfalls and heartache later. If I had a wish for EVERYONE it is that at some point in your life you go and have some MIND BLOWING, EARTH SHATTERING, TOE TINGLING, GOOD ASS (no pun intended) SEX. It’s ok, enjoy yourself, but hey it’s just my opinion…
(Love)
Love.
Raise your hand if you have a firm understanding on what the heck that word means. Ok I know three of my friends who immediately raised their hands (and they know who they are), now for the REST OF US who don’t have a firm understanding on this crazy ass emotion I just want you to know you aren’t the only one. I am a grown man and I feel like maybe after 26 years I am having the very beginnings of an what the word might mean, but a true grasp of the concept? No earthly idea. I have never really seen a healthy loving relationship that lasted in my short time on this planet so far. I kind of equate my feelings on God to my feelings on love. I think people take a concept, a feeling if you will and try to condense a broad, overreaching concept and give it a simplistic definition and just try to run with it. The only thing I feel like I know about love is that the definition of it could just as well be “irrational” and I would be cool with it. I don’t think there is an easy way to encompass all of what love is (and all of what it can be in a simple definition). I don’t think loves follows rules, I don’t think relationships (being in one, not being in one) dictate it and I don’t really think you can control. I think love is like water. It can simply mold itself to fit any number of circumstances and it can bring life and it can destructive enough to shatter one and leave it in pieces…so there you have it. Today…that’s what I think about love.
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