Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A conversation with an angel...(Daddy and his Kayleighbear)

Backstory...as many of you know I recently lost my babygirl and have been in a weird emotional state ever since she passed away. I have dealt with the situation the best way I know how but I think this has been more of me just deciding not to deal with the situation. I miss my daughter more than words or feelings could ever adequately describe. All I have ever wanted to do was bring a little boy and a little girl into this world. Gabriel was everything a dad could want, but I still wanted a little girl and I eventually got her...so fast forward through tragedy and the only thing that makes me depressed is seeing dads that have the opportunity to dote over their daughters and the constant thought about the little princess that she would have grown into...

So a couple of days ago it was the anniversary of a young lady that passed away that I went to school with. She just so happened to be best friends with a young lady named Beth that I really have grown to love since I initally met her. Beth referred to a dream that she had in which she literally had a conversation with her friend that lasted literally for hours. There were some that probably didn't understand or maybe even doubted how such a thing could possibly take place but it actually made sense to me and I sat there thinking..."Man I wish I could have that sort of experience with my little girl." If I only knew what was in store for me later on that evening...

Describing this as best as I can:
We were in a well lit room and she was just talking to me. She was talking to me and telling me about things that had gone on with her. I can't tell you everything that she said but when I tell you it was comforting and magical. She was so pretty that I can't even do her justice. For the very FIRST time since her passing I actually had a measure of peace. She was so angelic and just reassured me that she was fine and ok. All I have ever wanted to know since she passed was that she was ok, how she would have looked older, and that she was fine and ok. When I tell you the dream was so vivid and real that I was able to wake up and then fall asleep back into it...it was like that. I know it might not seem like a big deal for other people that may read this, but the experience put some much needed peace in my soul and while I may not be ever 100 percent ok, for once in a year...I started to feel better...




4 comments:

  1. :) <3

    I can't say anything more than that.

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  2. I had a dream like this after my grandmother died. She had lived with us the last 6 weeks of her life and died of cancer in our house. I felt guilty after her death because I hadn't spent more time with her and pretty much almost avoided her the last few days since she was so close to death and it made me uncomfortable.

    But a few days after her death, I was praying to God to please tell her that I love her and that I was sorry for not showing that more at the end of her life.

    After crying myself to sleep over the guilt that I felt, I dreamed that I had visited her house once more just to see it. As I was walking through the living room, she suddenly appeared right before me. This dream was so vivid that I still remember it after 10 years. She was absolutely, stunningly beautiful and glowed with some lovely soft light. She looked right at me and told me, specificially, "Anna, stop feel guilty. I knew you loved me. I never doubted that. And whatever happened while I was still alive doesn't matter anymore now. I'm with my Lord Jesus and my husband. I am happy and full of joy. You should be, too."

    I'm tearing up right now even as I write this. Even after 10 years, this dream is so crystal clear to me. And I woke up full of a gentle peace that let me know that it was ok.

    So yes. Your dream is a big deal.

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  3. Ahhhh Victoria you say so much with so few words :)

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  4. Anna, that was absolutely beautiful and I am very happy that someone out there could relate to what I felt...

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